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WHY YOU SHOULD DATE A SINGLE PARENT

The definition of relationships is continuously changing. There are more split and multi-families than ever before and it isn’t slowing down. The divorce rate is at an all time high in the western world and the mammoth divorce industry is a $28 billion dollar business encouraging you to be a quitter.

As a result, people are becoming less and less interested in marriage, so there will going be less divorce in the future, due to less marriages. But that doesn’t stop anyone from having kids. There might be chances that you will meet someone who will be a single parent. As a single parent they have different responsibilities and values but they will still want to date, have a relationship and find love! I have dated someone who was a single mom in my life and it was actually great experience. My sister was a single mom for a few years, and she is one heck of a catch! (Just ask my brother in law.) In fact, you probably have several friends or family members who are in this category right now. And given the divorce rate and state of the world, in the future, you could be in this situation yourself! So this article is out to debunk the myth “you shouldn’t date someone who has kids”

I actually called my brother in law and picked his brain for this article. I also called upon my experience when I dated a woman who had a child when I was younger. When we dated, her daughter was about 7 years old. It worked for a long period of time. When we did date, we had agreements pre-established. We kept our relationship separate from hers with her daughter. I didn’t meet her daughter until several months into the relationship and when we did meet, it was an accident.

Some have great kids too!

One night I was over for a late night tea. It was 10:00 PM and we were up talking in the kitchen enjoying a great conversation. I guess we were talking loudly because we accidentally woke someone up! There she was at the bottom of the stairs, slowly climbing up the mini mountains towards us. With one hand on the railing, and the other in her eyes softly rubbing the sleep sand out of them, she said very little. A few moans and grunts, showed her annoyance that we woke her up. I didn’t mind, but I left, knowing it was time to put someone back to sleep. We said goodbye and I was glad we had the chance to chat for a bit before she went back to dreamland. After that, we all went out together for lunch, then to a park, and then they had me over for dinner etc. All of which were great times. I focused on being her daughter’s friend when I was with her, since her dad was already in the picture and she did not need two dads. What child wouldn’t want more friends to play with?

I pulled together some brief points looking back on my experience as well as the experiences of others as well (my best friend has a two year old baby with a lovely woman who had 2 children prior to meeting him) and I’m ready to share them with you.

Why you should date a single parent:

  • They aren’t going to mess with you. They have enough things to deal with, and enough going on with their life. They will communicate clearly what they want and need from you, which is a lot simpler than what you may think.
  • They know what they want. Their child or children come first. This takes a lot of pressure off you. They aren’t looking for a father or a mother necessarily. They already have one of those. They don’t need more influences on how to raise their kid.
  • They are very mature. Less drama. Clear expectations. Very little bickering, stress or anxiety. They get enough of that from raising a child. They are looking for you to have fun with, and enjoy the lighter side of life. Remember that parenting is one of the toughest jobs in the world.
  • They are a normal human being. Everything still applies. They aren’t any less in interested in things you’re interested in. Sometimes these desires are actually heightened for things like romance, fun, great conversations, great experiences, going out (to get out of the house), and sex (potentially above average since it may have ‘been a while’).
  • They won’t bring the child into the game until they’re more invested. Until the relationship is a lot stronger and more solid, they will have the wisdom and maturity to know that it isn’t a good idea… Until it’s a good idea.
  • It will cause you to grow. It takes someone mature to date a single parent. And if you aren’t mature already, it will challenge you at times! It will be a real test of character and strength! You choice is to rise to the occasion or not, man or woman!

Sound good? Good! Still sound difficult? Let me help.

What to do if you do decide to date a single parent:

1) First off be open. You have no idea how it’s going to go, and you will probably be surprised. There is no one size fits all here and in a way, this is not like regular dating. Expect a different kind of experience and you will enjoy yourself.

2) Avoid parenting their child. Straight up, this is not your job, and not your responsibility. For a lot of single parents, this will be a clear cut sign to stay away from you. If they see you doing it, or trying to do it, it won’t last long. They are doing a fine job being a parent on their own thank you very much.

3) Be compassionate. You’ve got to understand & appreciate, especially if the other parent is in the picture, things will come up. Sometimes upsets and events will happen that could potentially be disrupting of your time together. This is not your fault, nor is it about you. All they need you to do is have compassion for the situation.

4) Allow things to get serious all on their own. Don’t worry about having an agenda. This is first about a good experience, second having fun, and third distinguishing compatibility. Then see if you can co-exist together in some way. In a natural unfolding way, it will all work out, if it’s meant to.

5) Be patient. They have a different schedule. Their availability might be different than yours. Their kids are #1 remember? They need to find a babysitter at times, and might have soccer or other extracurricular activities. Don’t worry, this gives you time to do your thing and have ‘me time’ as well. (Always a good thing).

6) Have flexibility. This goes hand in hand with #3, however hiccups occur a little more in their life too. Child gets sick, babysitter cancels, dance recital goes extra late. Not to worry. You are an important part of their life. So they will often go out of their way to make it up to you.

7) Be interested in their home life, experience as a parent and child’s life. Be supportive, not creepy. Be inquisitive, not intrusive. Be their friend, not their child’s teacher, or grandmother/father. Their child is a BIG part of their life, and they will want you to recognize that. Just not obsess over it. (Think about it, it would be weird if you didn’t ask).

8) Have fun — The normal dating rules still apply. They are looking forward to time with you! They might be looking to you to help them incorporate all parts of a great life. (You don’t have to do too much. Just go and be with them.) You could be a breath of fresh air. While raising their child will be a big part of their life, they sure as heck don’t want it to completely take over their life.

 

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8) Have fun — The normal dating rules still apply. They are looking forward to time with you! They might be looking to you to help them incorporate all parts of a great life. (You don’t have to do too much. Just go and be with them.) You could be a breath of fresh air. While raising their child will be a big part of their life, they sure as heck don’t want it to completely take over their life.

I'd be grateful if you shared this article with someone who needed to hear it. Feel free to use the buttons below.

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